Easter Weekend...

HAPPY EASTER everyone...Today, Good Friday is quite. I've got a few chores done this morning. I could'nt do much in the way of chores at all last week due to  "?" finishing painting the kitchen walls, then the the man from the council came to tile around my sink. Then yesterday, "?" and i went to Topps Tiles to buy some tiles to match the council ones to put along the back of the work-top which "?" will do during next week sometime or when hes feeling up to it, after all theres no rush.

"?" was here this morning for half hour then left, he was'nt feeling too good in himself today, i think he may have over done it while painting my kitchen. He seems to be in a rushing,anxious mode which is one of the bipola symptoms. I think thats why he kept himself busy painting my kitchen and to keep his mind off the latest events concerning "A"

"A" rang Wednesday morning, he said he has been moved to Newmarket early that morning and he has sent out a VO ( visiting order ) to "L" for "L" the kids,  "?" and myself to visit Easter Sunday. One part of me wants to go to see him because hes my son, but the other half of me thinks about all the things hes done wrong over the years and i feel i would be a hypocrite if i did go, because i always told him that if he ever goes to prison again, he goes on his own and with no help from us what so ever. Last time we were going to visit him once a week each week for 4 years, he came out 10 years ago this march and "L" was visiting twice a week. Going inside the prison made me feel like dirt to be associated with the filth there and its degrading being searched going in and out... I just don't know what i will do yet. Deep down i love him, but i hate what he stands for and wild for him getting in trouble again, my feelings are so mixed up. "?" has had some strong words with me yesterday for even thinking of going to visit him. I just don't know yet! If he was'nt my son, i would'nt give him the time of day which he already knows.

My brother-in-law "H" came by yesterday just as we got back from Topps Tiles. "H" stayed for dinner and chatted all day with "?" they don't see that much of each other now, "H" used to drop by weekly at one point, but things change...

I'm listening to musicbox with my earphones at the moment with all sixties and seventies records that i've put together.

"SH" has gone to her friends in Maldon, Essex for the Easter Hols, i will give "Z" her Easter Egg when they return after the hols. "L" will be here in the morning (Saturday) to drop off "ST" and "J" so they can speak to "A" when he rings. I will give "ST" and "J" their Easter Eggs tomorrow.

Well, thats all my news for now...I hope you all have a great Easter weekend...Best wishes to one and all.

            

Time goes by...

with thanx to Roxy for these sweet graphics here and below...

Easter is almost upon us. Its seems like we've just got over christmas, my goodness where has the time gone?

Last week "?" painted my kitchen for me, it will have to be painted again as it needs a second coat. The colour is oatmeal, its a Wilkinsons mat paint, its got a sickly smell to it. "?" could only do some painting for a couple of hours at a time, because he feels tired and fatigued when he does any work. I did'nt do much, only tided-up any mess that was made and made tea ( i'm useless ) My kitchen is shapeing-up now and i am waiting for the council to come and tile around my sink.

"A" has phoned most days. He has had a few rows while in prison, i don't know why he can't keep his head down and his mouth shut for once. He said, he might be home this Thursday on tag. All i know is everyone concerned has felt much more at ease while he has been away including myself and "?" and "L" seems much happier and more at ease in herself too...I think that says it all.

After "?" and i got back from the shops "L" dropped off "ST" and "J" here yesterday at 9am so as "A" could speak to "J" on the phone. "L" said she don't want to talk to him so she left and returned around 11am to pick "J" up. I don't blame her in the least for not wanting to talk to him, shes put up with so much over the years. As "L" says, Hes got another mug to take her place ( her words) so he can get on with it. What ever happens, my granchildren come first all the time, thats the way "?" and i think about the situation.

My daughter "SH" brought "Z" round at 4pm on Saturday to stay over untill Sunday as "SH" is was going out. "ST" and "Z" made a fruit cocktail...lol. ( experiment as "ST" calls it ) to go with their jelly and ice-cream later. "?" left around 5pm and "L" returned around 7pm ( Saturday ) to pick "ST" up. Then "Z" and i settled to watch TV for the evening. Today Sunday, "Z" and i  had a good day together. After dinner "Z" and i were drawing each other and playing cards. "SH" just phoned, she said, shes got the seven drawfs running around her head banging away...lol. that will teach her to drink too much. When "?" returns later ( i hope it won't be too late, he said he would be a bit late coming back this evening..."Z" has got school in the morning ) we will take "Z" home.

I've stopped taking my Anti-depressants ( they are used as a strong pain killer ) to help with the pains i get from chiari. The reason i stopped them was due to what was in the papers and on the news recently. But, since stopping them, my pains have returned and my stuttering is bad, so i'm wondering is it true what the news people are saying??? or are my meds the real ones???

Well, thats all y news for now. I wish you all a Happy Easter and i hope you all have a good week ahead of you. Best Wishes and God Bless!

 

 

 

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MIXED FEELINGS AND KITCHEN SINK...

with thanx to missie for this lovely graphic...

Hello everyone...Thank-you for your kind comments, it is much appreciated. I hope your all keeping well

"A" phoned yesterday morning, he sounded depressed and wanted to speak to "?" when "?" came off the phone he sat with his head in his hands for a while then turned to me and said, I've got to get a DNA test done. Do you know what, he can't be mine he said ( that don't say much for me aye..lol  Oh dear! ) i burst into fits of laughter and said, i think i need to get one too! God knows what "A" had said to him, it must have been something stupid or outrageous knowing him. "L" and the kids went to visit "A" last Friday. Today i wrote him a letter, i've still got mixed feelings about him and the way he conducts his life, but he is his own man and he has to take the consequences for his own actions. I don't like what he stands for and i really do worry about him deep down...mixed feelings! What mother would'nt care? but saying that, i must'nt show weakness or he will walk all over me...I do care!

The council came yesterday to put in my new kitchen sink. It was supposed to be done last month, but the council had cancelled it and i had to complain and it was put back on order. Well, it was fixed in and what a shambles it is too! All the back of it has been smashed instead of sawn so as to fit around the waste pipe and the sink-top don't sit on the base and theres leaks around the pipe joints. And this took them 4 hours to do.  No wonder this country's in a state with workmen like that and they get paid for that too! And they're supposed to have city and guilds to work for the council "?" managed to stop the leaks and today he filled in the gaps the men had left at the side of my sink and the hole in the wall where the outlet goes as you could see daylight through it. "?" will be fixing the other leak tomorrow as he needs to get a flang. Someone will be round to tile around the sink, i'm wonder whether to let them do that or not, because last time the council done that they made a mess there too and "?" had to get more tiles to put it right.

"?" and i have been keeping busy occupying ourselves. I've been a bit stressed, but i'm coping better now. "?" gets stressed out a lot more than i do and finds it hard to cope at times and he can't sit down for one minute esspecially with whats going on with "A" at the moment.

"Z" phoned on Monday. She was all chuffed with herself because she had been picked to sing in the school chior, we chatted for a while before "SH" came on the phone and we had a lengthy chat. She said her and "Z" are going to "ASH" over the Easter Holidays at Maldon in Essex. I hope the weather is ok for them so they can spend some time at the beach which is'nt too far from where "ASH" lives.

Well, i hav'nt got anymore to say, so i will leave it here and hope the rest of the week is good for you and your all in good health and best wishes to you all...

 

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TEARS AND HEARTACHE...

Its been almost a month since i last wrote in my journal or hardly even been online, even although i have left my computer on during the day at times. The reason for this is "?" and I have had some traumatic experiences concerning our son "A" and the the worst is yet to come in April and although we did know this would happen at some point soon. I know all this sounds confusing, but i feel that i can't write about whats actually happened in my journal...Kathy, (ASTORIASAND) i have mentioned the situation to you a while ago now and it has happened! I've tried to put pen to paper several times, but i feel i can't write him yet and what is there to say??? its all been said time and time again!

The last couple of weeks "?" and I have been trying to find things to do so as to keep ourselves busy and our mind on other things as it is telling on us both.

I got a lovely Mothers Day card from my daughter "SH and one from "Z" for Nan which is so sweet. "Z" will be staying with me on the 15th March as "SH" is going out somewhere with her new man friend, i can hardly call him her boyfriend as hes 42 years of age. I've met him once and he seems ok and hes tall ( then again, anyone is taller than me as i'm only 4ft 11inches ...lol. )

This morning my son "A" phoned to say Happy Mothers Day. It was nice to hear from him and my heart felt enlightened for a while, but, its left me with mixed feelings, atthe moment i'm feeling tearful while writting this.

This afternoon around 3.30pm, "L" came by to drop off a Mothers Day card from "A" which little "J" wrote in it love from  "A", "L", "ST" and "J" bless her heart! This made me feel more tearful...Oh dear...what am i like aye!

Well, i've got a couple of more chores to do before "?" returns around 5.30pm, i might come back online when he leaves later...

I hope you have all been keeping well, i must get round to visiting your journals soon...Bye for now and God Bless!

 

 

Health, Computer and Printer...

Hi everyone, i hope your all keeping well. A few things have happened the last couple of weeks. My aunt "D" went along for her appointment at Broomfields hospital three weeks ago and they kept her in. Where she had her skin graph on her leg, apparently it had got infected and she had to stay in a room on her own. Some of the family were visiting her and we kept in touch by phone as she was allowed her mobile in her room. She phoned me this afternoon to tell me she came home today.

Three weeks ago i went along for my appointment with the glaucoma clinic. It seems that my R/eye had high pressure again and my L/eye the pressure was fluctuating high to normal...what ever that means i do'nt know! Anyway, i was told to carry on with my eye drops as normal and i will be sent for when the warmer weather is here to be tested throughout the day every 2 hours and i've to be there early in the morning. I'm not looking forward to that, a whole day of nothing.

Weekend before last i had "Z" stay over while "SH" went out to celebrate her birthday, she was 35 years old this year. "ST" was here on the Saturday and every Saturday, but has'nt stayed over though!

I've had a bad chest infection. It started the Monday after i had "Z" stay with me. I think i must have caught it at the DR surgery on the Friday my GP wanted to see me about my meds that i ordered at the chemist, all is ok. There were coughs and colds floating about the surgery all over the place, so it was inevertable that i got it. I've been having a lot of problems with it too. My Asthma was playing up and i had a mild attack one night, so i increased my meds untill i got to the DRs the coming Friday. When i did get to see my GP again he examined me and told me to breath in and out. I had a coughing spasm and the terrible pain in my head and i kept falling sideways. I'm glad that happened there and then really, because thats what happens to me with anything stressful with this chiari complaint and the Drs hav'nt seen it happen to me before so he made a note of it. Anyway as i was saying, my GP gave me antibiotics for the chest infection which i'm still taking and he told me to increasemy Asthma meds, i told him that i had already done so and to carry on as i am. I still get breathless if i do too much, but i am much better than what i was.

"?" has been ok of late, but i think he may be coming down with a cold or something. Oh dear i hope not, hes one of the worlds worst patients when illness strikes.

This afternoon i un-installed my all-in-one printer as it was'nt working properly then re-installed it again and all is working ok now. Then i could'nt get online, i kept getting the error page, mind you thats been happening often or quite sometime now. So, what i done to get online was click on START, click on RUN and type in my server address and it came through. And for a blank page do the same as above, but enter the url address of the page you want and it should take you there.

I hope your week is going well for you and your all keeping well in yourselves. I will leave it here as its getting late, so best wishes to you all and take care!

My News Over The Last Few Weeks...

with thanx to chris for this graphic...

Hi everyone i hope you have all been keeping well. I hav'nt been online much at all lately. I am thinking of coming back to AOL after 12th Feb. I can't do anything as yet as i'm still under contract to Sky untill then. Although i've got used to Sky it still feels alien to me and i feel home-sick and AOL feels like home if you know what i mean. I've cancelled my Sky movie package that i had over the holiday period, all thats on ther is repeats and there was'nt much else worth watching either.

"ST" has been here on and off over the weeks and helping "?" to make my kitchen more workable and presentable for me. My kitchen sink unit collapsed as i had a flood in the kitchen 2 weeks before christmas and "?" had to lift my lino up to get it dried out, the shelf in the sink unit collapsed and the bottom shelf was destroyed, some of it had to be thrown out at the time. I called the council down to fix the leak under the sink and he ordered me a new sink-unit i'm still waiting for the new sink unit to come and to be fixed in which should be done by the 20/2. "?" took the old sink unit out and made me a base unit from the good bits and took a cupboard apart that i had upstairs for the base and shelf inside. I already had the worktop upstairs which i was doing my puzzles on, my daughter "SH" gave that to me a few years ago when she moved from her flat. Anyway, i cleaned it all up and bleached it down before i made use of it and i am happy with the way my kitchen is pulling together. Before, i had a table with everything cluttering. My wall cupboard was chocker block,So now i've got room in there for food as i used to keep my food and cups, mugs, glasses in there and i had one of my chest cupboards under the stairs to accomodate my plates saucepans and tins... Both my fridge and freezer ( both larder type ) are still in my hallway as there's no room in my kitchenfor anything else... It will all pull together once the new sink unit is in.

Aunt "D" has had her opperation on her leg to remove the cancer and had a skin graph. She said, shes in a lot of pain when i rang her on Friday and very sore from where the skin was taken. I have no news of how my cousin's wife "M" at the moment, all i know is shes undergoing cemo at the moment at The Royal Marsden Hospital in London. The department she has to go to was not destroyed by the fire that was there recently.

Health-wise, when "?" was doing my kitchen, he could only work roughly about twenty mins and had to rest as he got exhausted, then he would start again when he felt better and so on, but not so long when he had to use force.

As for myself, i've been doing my chores (mostly in the evenings), shopping ect... and i've been having some early nights. I'm still reading my SPOOKS book on and off that i bought before christmas.  I went long to the Asthma clinic at the health centre last Friday everything is ok and i also went along to the glaucoma clinic last Tuesday. I told the nurse that i was getting pain in my R/eye bad and some pain in my L/eye. It appears that my R/eye has got high pressure again and my L/eye the pressure is fluctuating normal to high and so on. The Dr said, they will send for me to have an all day appointment and give me tests every 2 hrs which i'm not looking forward too. But, in the meantime i've to carry on with the drops i already have... I nearly forgot, "?" bought me a lovely padded leather computer swivel-chair with padded arms and "ST" fixed it all together for me. Its so comfortable, its like an armchair sometimes i just sit in it and watch TV  instead of getting into bed.

Well, thats all from me and i hope you all have a great week ahead of you and you all keep well...

 

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Christmas Day...

Hi evryone, I know its a bit late, but i do wish you all a very Happy New Year and of course i hope you all had a lovely christmas too! And thank-you all for the lovely christmas messages you all left on my journal.

I hav'nt been online again lately, mostly because i've been too tired and i just hav'nt felt like sitting at the computer. Health wise "?" and i have been ok and i hope you've all been keeping well too!

Christmas Day...

First of all "?" and i went along to "SH" and "Z" to drop off the presents around 9am. It was really nice to spend time with "Z" she was so happy when she opened her presents her face was a picture. She mostly got DVD's and games to play on TV. "SH" bought a High school musical DVD and school bag with the money i gave her, "Z" goes mad over High school musical things as it is all the rage at the moment among her friends at school...lol. "SH" bought clothes with the money i gave her for christmas. "?" got a Russell Watson CD off "SH" and "Z" and i got Skating On Ice Tour DVD which "?" and i like both of them.

A bit later, we went along to "A" and "L" to drop off "J" present "ST" already opened his christmas eve while he was here. "ST" has got a watch and a book and "J" has got Brat skates and Alibaba camel thingy off us...lol. "J" was so excited and happy with her presents. "A" and "L" i gave them money each. I was getting excited as much as "J" as she was opening all her presents...phew! i wore myself out...lol. As we were about to leave "L" gave us a present which was the last Pirates of the Caribbean DVD, now we've got the set.

"?" took me back to "SH" and "Z" and dropped me off as he was spending christmas day else where. "SH" had laid the table ready for dinner. It looked really lovely, she is used to laying up the tables which was part of her job when she worked at the Brewery in the city. I really enjoyed my dinner "SH" is a good cook. A bit later after dinner, we played one of "Z" games on TV and we playedall afternoon, we all had great fun.

Later, "A" and "L" came round for an hour with "ST" and "J". "ST" took my place playing the games and "J" was playing with "Z" DS game. Later, "A" and "L" left with the kids as they were going to "L" mum and dads for the rest of the day. Then "SH" and i settled to watch some TV and "Z" was playing with one of her presents. The day passed by so quickly. "?" returned later around 10pm to take me home and he left soon after then i sat quite for a while to watch TV and to reflect on the day. I must say i had a most enjoyable day with my family...I've only written about Christmas Day as its getting late.

HAPPY 2008 to each and everyone with good health and happiness...Best wishes to you all.

Astra!

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